I thought I was going to have a nice day with my brother on July 5. The idea was that my husband and I should take him to the lake for a picnic dinner so that he could get into a different environment where there were some people hanging out.
We picked him up, he seemed a bit crabby. He was having trouble hearing, perhaps because the car window was down and the wind was in his bad ear. We stopped at a fast food restaurant and picked up sandwiches, then drove to the beach. There was a bit of walking on grass with a light downward slope. This really seemed to bother him and he kept on saying he couldn't do it, although he has managed other situations like this before without a lot of complaining.
We sat on a bench and started eating. At some point he gagged and threw up a piece of food.
Internally, I just kind of freaked out It reminded me so much of when he has lost bodily control other times, and it had been an indicator of some major medical problem developing. But it just wasn't that. I started to think about how I didn't want to deal with him at my son's wedding to take place next year. Even though we have been talking about paying someone to pick him up and look after him all day, I don't want to have to have it in the back of my mind that something might happen. I want to be able to focus on the event, the day shouldn't be about my brother, but about my son and his fiance.
After we finished eating, we went for a walk. Almost immediately he asked me if I was tired, did I want to go back. I pointed out to him a way on the sidewalk we could take to the car and he brightened up. For him, the distance we walked was far, and it was hardly anything.
I figure if he comes to the wedding activities, he will probably sleep through a lot of the activities, and that doesn't bother me. What bothers me that there is a very good chance he will have an accident involving his diaper (either that or someone will have to argue with him in public about going to the bathroom all the time) and I just don't want have to deal with it. Or he might throw up, have diarrhea, etc. Last year, at my in-laws to be for Thanksgiving, he wet himself. Thankfully, we had put him on a folding chair, precisely because of this fear. It was somewhat of a commotion to get him into the bathroom to change him and after that, we brought him home.
I brought this up later with my husband. He is sympathetic to my issues but feels he should be included. He asked me how I would explain to my brother that he is not invited. I figure I can lie and tell him that the venues are not handicapped accessible. Ouch.
Thankfully I have many months to see how he is doing and then decide.
Meanwhile, my husband and I talked about how relieved my brother seemed to be to get into his nursing home environment and that maybe we should not try to push him so much. Next time we will take him to a restaurant where you can sit outside, I think that's about all he can handle.
After we dropped him off, we went back to the lake and went for a long walk. It was somewhat healing.
I was feeling somewhat guildty for not seeing him on July 4th (I was in Michigan with friends), and this experience has not helped.
