My brother had an appointment to see a new cardiologist this week. I couldn't go with him because I had my own appointment for a medical procedure, and besides, I knew he had two appointments coming up at the oral surgeon, and I couldn't afford to take off that much time from work.
So I asked the case manager for the agency that I pay to help me with such matters to make the appointment and take him. The case worker picked him up and took him and when he got to the cardiologist's office, he refused to let her come into the examination room or to speak with the doctor. The doctor ordered a stress test and an echocardiogram, which requires another appointment.
I read the doctor's notes. Apparently my brother denied any illness at all, problems, etc. I had been counting on our case worker (who is also a nurse) to the translating to the doctor.
I got a call from the case worker the next day. She was very, very upset about the way she had been treated. I felt so bad, and I got really stressed out over my inability to control what was going on.
Then I got a call from the nursing home, because they have to move on making the appoinments, because the doctor told them he had to have the tests within two weeks.
I asked the nursing home if they could send someone else with my brother. They don't do that, although I did ask, what did they do if the patient had no family. Apparently they do send someone then.
My husband went to go speak with my brother during the day (he was working at home). He told me he found out the issue is that my brother doesn't want to be associated with the developmentally disasbled and wants to be associated with the nursing home instead. He thought that other patients go with nursing home staff, why can't he.
I went to visit my brother after work. He was very irritable. First he said he didn't like the doctor because the doctor was "too conservative" and ordered him an angiogram. I explained that this was not the case. He said he did not like the case worker because she asked invasive questions. I asked for an example and he said she had asked him if he liked the new doctor. I told him I thought she was just trying to be friendly and that would have been the first thing I would have asked him too.
I explained that the nursing home was not going to send him with staff to his appointments and that I couldn't take off all the time, that I would take off time for big events like surgery. I explained to him all the extra work he was causing many people by not letting the caseworker talk to the doctor, about how hard it is to get doctors to call you on the phone. He got reallymad and called me selfish, I called him selfish. We were sitting in the garden and I assume everyone in the nursing home could hear us argue, but I didn't care. Then he did his usual shtick of getting up to walk away in anger, and was surprised when I didn't try to stop him. I told him that he didn't have a choice, that I was trying to keep him alive, and that if he didn't let someone go with him to get information from the doctor that I was not going to take him myself, nor would I make appointments. I think that finally sunk in.
I suggested that we make a deal. I suggested that he should go with the caretaker, but that he wouldn't have to chit chat with her, and that I would ask her to be business like. All of a sudden he became agreeable and loving.
We left on good terms.
I am a bit worried that the case worker will not agree to these terms but we shall see. More to follow.
