I got in to see my brother a little late tonight, because my daughter was playing in an after school softball game (6-3, her favor). He was chipper but a little disgruntled because they hadn't served him a beverage or desert tonight. He also needed a shave really bad, and he said he hadn't had a shower since last Thursday. So on my way out I stopped with the night nurse and told her. She was apologetic, but in the past, she doesn't seem to be able to address neglect well I will have to call the patient advocate tomorrow. The good news, is that they did start changing his hearing aid battery, which is quite a relief, I was worried that they would continue to forget when I go out of town.
None the less, I did not feel that guilty saying goodbye to him. I told him that I felt better than I have in a long time going out of town, because I knew he was in such good shape. I also called his case manager, who has been out of the picture for more than a month (that's ok, she had been knocking her self out for him for years, and she deserved a break), and left a message to see if she could visit him while I am away.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
a good day
I went with my daughter today to visit my brother and he was in a really, really good mood, just bursting to tell me about his week. It turns out they had a bake sale at the nursing home where some of the clients helped bake (he made blueberry muffins and brownies) the merchandise. Then he proudly told me he had won 6 times in a row at some kind of dice game. Over lunch at Wendy's, after some prodding, we finally figured out he had been playing craps.
The staff seems to really like him, and they seem very kind to him, this is so different than the last two nursing homes he was in. I was telling my husband when I got home how wierd it feels not to feel guilty about him or going on vacation.
We did have an interesting experience when we came in to pick him up. He can alway be found in a fairly large activity room, when they are having an activity, it is packed by seniors and others in various degrees of disability, and only a few, besides him, are not in wheelchairs but on walkers. So we walk in, the room is packed, and we hear Klezmer music being played on a boom box, the kind of music where you just need to sway or move around in time to the music. But everyone (including my brother) is just sitting there with blank expressions on their faces, I wouldn't exactly say they were rapt, there was no sign of pleasure, really no sign of movement at all. It turns our we walked right into the Jewish Saturday service. My brother has never gone to temple since my parents had us go as teenagers for two years, so this was kind of a surprise for me. The rabbi told me that my brother was participating, whatever that means. Later, thinking about it, it probably shocked him that I would interrupt a service, but I didn't even know what was going on until it was too late. As we were walking out the door (it takes a while to get my brother prepared) the rabbi mentioned that there was going to be a Passover service the Sunday of Passover. Since I have no idea when Passover is, I asked him what the date was (he told me, I have since forgotten.) I wonder what the rabbi thinks of all this. Organized religion is just not my thing, but if it keeps my brother busy, it's ok with me!
The staff seems to really like him, and they seem very kind to him, this is so different than the last two nursing homes he was in. I was telling my husband when I got home how wierd it feels not to feel guilty about him or going on vacation.
We did have an interesting experience when we came in to pick him up. He can alway be found in a fairly large activity room, when they are having an activity, it is packed by seniors and others in various degrees of disability, and only a few, besides him, are not in wheelchairs but on walkers. So we walk in, the room is packed, and we hear Klezmer music being played on a boom box, the kind of music where you just need to sway or move around in time to the music. But everyone (including my brother) is just sitting there with blank expressions on their faces, I wouldn't exactly say they were rapt, there was no sign of pleasure, really no sign of movement at all. It turns our we walked right into the Jewish Saturday service. My brother has never gone to temple since my parents had us go as teenagers for two years, so this was kind of a surprise for me. The rabbi told me that my brother was participating, whatever that means. Later, thinking about it, it probably shocked him that I would interrupt a service, but I didn't even know what was going on until it was too late. As we were walking out the door (it takes a while to get my brother prepared) the rabbi mentioned that there was going to be a Passover service the Sunday of Passover. Since I have no idea when Passover is, I asked him what the date was (he told me, I have since forgotten.) I wonder what the rabbi thinks of all this. Organized religion is just not my thing, but if it keeps my brother busy, it's ok with me!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
12:30 AM
I was woken up last night by the nursing home at 12:30 am, informing me (I think, I was pretty groggy) that my brother had cut himself on the leg, but that it was nothing to worry about. I asked them why they were calling me in the middle of the night if there was nothing to worry about, they said it was the rule.
So I am trying to call today and find out what really happened and see if I can get them to wait until the morning if it's a run of mill minor injury. Of course, I didn't sleep very well after the call.
So I am trying to call today and find out what really happened and see if I can get them to wait until the morning if it's a run of mill minor injury. Of course, I didn't sleep very well after the call.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
haven't written in a while
I haven't written in a while because about a week ago, I wrote a long, contemplative post and then I lost it and it didn't get posted. That kind of deflated me for a while. Today, I don't feel that introspective.
I visited with my brother yesterday. We are fallen into a nice pattern, I try to visit him twice a week, once on Saturday, where I either take him out for breakfast or lunch, and then an evening night, usually Tuesday. Since the days are getting longer, and the weather is getting warmer, I hope to be able to get him outside during the week too.
Yesterday, when we were out at breakfast, he told me that his roommate was dying. By this, he meant that he thought the end was coming in. He said the roommate had "rectal" problems, and that a lot of nurses were coming in. He also told me that a priest had come in for another patient to give the patient his last rites.
My brother's roommate is a nice man, but has kept the room totally dark with no lights. He hasn't been out of his bed the entire time my brother has been there. One time he called to me and asked me to get the nursing staff because his diaper needed to be changed and they hadn't come for an hour. I was happy to help out in that instance. Occasionally I peek over the curtain to see how he is doing, but I don't like to be intrusive. He looks like he is in his early fifties, and I suspect he has cancer. He has been on oxygen ever since I have met him. My brother deals with this by never being in his room. That is ok, because he probably would not be in his room anyhow, he is the kind of person who likes to be around hubbub, even though he has a hard time initiating long conversations.
But on my way out of the nursing home, I did stop and ask the nurse what the situation is. It turns out the roommate is in hospice, but his death is not imminent. I mentioned to the nurse that even though my brother doesn't complain, it does effect him, they should be aware of it. The nurse offered to move him, but I told her my brother doesn't react well to change and that was not what I was asking for. It's kind of gruesome, but I did ask that he get a window bed when the roommate passes away.
When I told my husband about this later, we discussed the fact that in any other situation, counseling would be offered to all those around. Think about it when someone in a school or office gets hurt, etc. However, in a nursing home, death is so common, I don't think it is even on the radar screen that other patients may need counseling.
My brother is looking much better, and now he, too, looks like he might live a lot longer than anyone thought just a couple of months ago. He remarked that he expected to be living in the home for the next twenty years. I kind of winced at that, although I would be happy to have him alive, it is very hard for me to imagine visiting with him twice a week for the next 20 years, it takes a lot out of me every time I go. It's not like I mind seeing my brother, I even kind of enjoy it, it's the grind of the driving and the responsibility that if I don't visit with him, nobody else is going to do it. (My husband goes may be once or twice a month).
This has been a very interesting aspect of life, I am glad I am chronicling it by writing all this down.
I visited with my brother yesterday. We are fallen into a nice pattern, I try to visit him twice a week, once on Saturday, where I either take him out for breakfast or lunch, and then an evening night, usually Tuesday. Since the days are getting longer, and the weather is getting warmer, I hope to be able to get him outside during the week too.
Yesterday, when we were out at breakfast, he told me that his roommate was dying. By this, he meant that he thought the end was coming in. He said the roommate had "rectal" problems, and that a lot of nurses were coming in. He also told me that a priest had come in for another patient to give the patient his last rites.
My brother's roommate is a nice man, but has kept the room totally dark with no lights. He hasn't been out of his bed the entire time my brother has been there. One time he called to me and asked me to get the nursing staff because his diaper needed to be changed and they hadn't come for an hour. I was happy to help out in that instance. Occasionally I peek over the curtain to see how he is doing, but I don't like to be intrusive. He looks like he is in his early fifties, and I suspect he has cancer. He has been on oxygen ever since I have met him. My brother deals with this by never being in his room. That is ok, because he probably would not be in his room anyhow, he is the kind of person who likes to be around hubbub, even though he has a hard time initiating long conversations.
But on my way out of the nursing home, I did stop and ask the nurse what the situation is. It turns out the roommate is in hospice, but his death is not imminent. I mentioned to the nurse that even though my brother doesn't complain, it does effect him, they should be aware of it. The nurse offered to move him, but I told her my brother doesn't react well to change and that was not what I was asking for. It's kind of gruesome, but I did ask that he get a window bed when the roommate passes away.
When I told my husband about this later, we discussed the fact that in any other situation, counseling would be offered to all those around. Think about it when someone in a school or office gets hurt, etc. However, in a nursing home, death is so common, I don't think it is even on the radar screen that other patients may need counseling.
My brother is looking much better, and now he, too, looks like he might live a lot longer than anyone thought just a couple of months ago. He remarked that he expected to be living in the home for the next twenty years. I kind of winced at that, although I would be happy to have him alive, it is very hard for me to imagine visiting with him twice a week for the next 20 years, it takes a lot out of me every time I go. It's not like I mind seeing my brother, I even kind of enjoy it, it's the grind of the driving and the responsibility that if I don't visit with him, nobody else is going to do it. (My husband goes may be once or twice a month).
This has been a very interesting aspect of life, I am glad I am chronicling it by writing all this down.
Monday, March 7, 2011
lost my post
Ug. I just lost a post that took me half an hour to write. I am too tired to start again. Maybe I will do it tomorrow night.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
tuesday
It is Tuesday night, time for me to go visit my brother. I try to visit him once in the evening during the week and once on the weekend. I take the train home from downtown Chicago, stop at my home and grab a diet Coke for the caffeine. Usually I am pretty tired. Today was a hard day at work, I work for US EPA and the working climate is kind of depressing. Resources are shrinking, people are bailing out and retiring as soon as they can, and everyone is trying to do more with less. Management keeps on changing. It's impossible to lay people off who have stopped working years ago. The Agency is under attack by some elements of Congress.
So I got home and got into what was my Dad's car. It's a 92 Camry and falling apart, but I like to drive it because it reminds me of my parents. My father passed away last year, my mother in 2006. Then it's a 30 minute drive to the nursing home. So far, I haven't minded that part that much. It's some time to myself, and I get to listen to the radio, which I never do because I take public transportation to work, and the rest of the time I try to walk as much as possible. It's even a bit relaxing.
Today I found my brother in the activities/dining room with his head resting on the table. I didn't like that. However, he perked up once I got there. I changed his hearing aid (I still haven't gotten the staff tuned into that task), we sat in the tv lounge, and then we went for a walk in the building. He hasn't looked to good lately, his skin has been looking kind of orange or red,, a little flushed. Today I looked closely and realized that he was dirty. It turns out it has been more than a week since he has been showered. It's the day time CNAs that are supposed to bathe him, but I did speak to the evening nurse and hopefully he will get a shower tonight. I stopped by the director of nursing and spoke to her about it. I didn't even get an apology.
But despite these issues, he seems ok and he is adjusted. I just hope it lasts and that the boredom doesn't completely do him in. I am very appreciative that he is not reproachful towards me. I felt a little bad when I told him that I wasn't coming to visit this weekend because I am taking my daughter to a college tour in Ohio.
I am feeling good that I don't have to visit him for several days. I hope I can relax a bit on this trip,although the college thing brings on its own stress.
So I got home and got into what was my Dad's car. It's a 92 Camry and falling apart, but I like to drive it because it reminds me of my parents. My father passed away last year, my mother in 2006. Then it's a 30 minute drive to the nursing home. So far, I haven't minded that part that much. It's some time to myself, and I get to listen to the radio, which I never do because I take public transportation to work, and the rest of the time I try to walk as much as possible. It's even a bit relaxing.
Today I found my brother in the activities/dining room with his head resting on the table. I didn't like that. However, he perked up once I got there. I changed his hearing aid (I still haven't gotten the staff tuned into that task), we sat in the tv lounge, and then we went for a walk in the building. He hasn't looked to good lately, his skin has been looking kind of orange or red,, a little flushed. Today I looked closely and realized that he was dirty. It turns out it has been more than a week since he has been showered. It's the day time CNAs that are supposed to bathe him, but I did speak to the evening nurse and hopefully he will get a shower tonight. I stopped by the director of nursing and spoke to her about it. I didn't even get an apology.
But despite these issues, he seems ok and he is adjusted. I just hope it lasts and that the boredom doesn't completely do him in. I am very appreciative that he is not reproachful towards me. I felt a little bad when I told him that I wasn't coming to visit this weekend because I am taking my daughter to a college tour in Ohio.
I am feeling good that I don't have to visit him for several days. I hope I can relax a bit on this trip,although the college thing brings on its own stress.
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