haven't written in a while

I haven't written in a while because about a week ago, I wrote a long, contemplative post and then I lost it and it didn't get posted.  That kind of deflated me for a while.  Today, I don't feel that introspective.

I visited with my brother yesterday.  We are fallen into a nice pattern, I try to visit him twice a week, once on Saturday, where I either take him out for breakfast or lunch, and then an evening night, usually Tuesday.  Since the days are getting longer, and the weather is getting warmer, I hope to be able to get him outside during the week too.

 Yesterday, when we were out at breakfast, he told me that his roommate was dying. By this, he meant that he thought the end was coming in.  He said the roommate had "rectal" problems, and that a lot of nurses were coming in.  He also told me that a priest had come in for another patient to give the patient his last rites. 

My brother's roommate is a nice man, but has kept the room totally dark with no lights.  He hasn't been out of his bed the entire time my brother has been there.  One time he called to me and asked me to get the nursing staff because his diaper needed to be changed and they hadn't come for an hour.  I was happy to help out in that instance.  Occasionally I peek over the curtain to see how he is doing, but I don't like to be intrusive.  He looks like he is in his early fifties, and I suspect he has cancer.  He has been on oxygen ever since I have met him.  My brother deals with this by never being in his room.  That is ok, because he probably would not be in his room anyhow, he is the kind of person who likes to be around hubbub, even though he has a hard time initiating long conversations.

But on my way out of the nursing home, I did stop and ask the nurse what the situation is.  It turns out the roommate is in hospice, but his death is not imminent.  I mentioned to the nurse that even though my brother doesn't complain, it does effect him, they should be aware of it.  The nurse offered to move him, but I told her my brother doesn't react well to change and that was not what I was asking for.  It's kind of gruesome, but I did ask that he get a window bed when the roommate passes away.

When I told my husband about this later, we discussed the fact that in any other situation, counseling would be offered to all those around.  Think about it when someone in a school or office gets hurt, etc.  However, in a nursing home, death is so common, I don't think it is even on the radar screen that other patients may need counseling.

My brother is looking much better, and now he, too, looks like he might live a lot longer than anyone thought just a couple of months ago.  He remarked that he expected to be living in the home for the next twenty years.  I kind of winced at that, although I would be happy to have him alive, it is very hard for me to imagine visiting with him twice a week for the next 20 years, it takes a lot out of me every time I go.  It's not like I mind seeing my brother, I even kind of enjoy it, it's the grind of the driving and the responsibility that if I don't visit with him, nobody else is going to do it.  (My husband goes may be once or twice a month).

This has been a very interesting aspect of life, I am glad I am chronicling it by writing all this down.